Monday 24 September 2007

National Insurance

"And what exactly do you see yourself doing here at the museum?" Maureen asks with a snear.

"Erm, well since I am to be working at the Information desk and shop, relating to the customers and satisfying their needs will be the most important part of the job, be it informing them of an exhibition they may be interested in, or selling them a particular item in the museum shop," I reply perfectly naturally and unrehearsed.

"Ohh, satisfy my needs, Torquer," Julia smiles.

"Yes, well. What are your ambitions in life, your career path?" Maureen questions again.

"I am currently interested in engineering. My parents and step parents are all architects, but I see myself doing something a little bigger than house extensions and park pavilions, big stuff like bridges: civil engineering."

"I also prefer big stuff as well," Julia lingers for a moment.

"And what about your experience in the retail sector, tell us about that," Maureen ploughs on.

"I took my work experience in a cafe bar, serving drinks and clearing tables. I even did a few of my own drinks, like banana and coffee milkshakes, which the manager was pleased about."

"Mmm, bananas please me too," Julia's glance almost boils my cup of water.

"Right then, I think we have everything we want now," snaps Maureen.

"I want more..." Julia mumbles as she leaves the room.

"So, I think that finishes everything," says Maureen, heading for the door, "I've got to dash off to another meeting now. Julia will see you out."


"Er Torquer, can you bring your National Insurance card [bloody welfare state draining my wages], Passport [not a single stamp because the French and Italian immigration bastards can't be bothered to budge a finger] and Certificate of Qualifications please. I need to... to photocopy them," Julia's angelic voice calls from the stationary cupboard...

7 comments:

The Usual Stuff said...

Wow. That was an interview. I do hope you were able to take out of it more than just the job.
jajajajaja

Torquer said...

So far, just minimum wage and my own till key. Perhaps I will get promoted to be Rachel's personal assistant...

The Usual Stuff said...

Would you mind enlightening an overseas English student and defining till?

And be careful with what you wish. Being a personal assistant, just like myself, can be hell!!

Jingo said...

Of all our years of friendship, not once have you ever judged a woman by her physical appearance. I very much doubt this interview actually occured.

And get me that job!

The Usual Stuff said...

Dear Torquer:

As your prize for participating in our quiz, we would like to share with you the following video, dedicated to all people who make of learning a form of entertaning.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CP4VVGN2LUU

Torquer said...

For those that are vocabularicly inept (Usual Stuff, and probably Jingo, till is just a box on the cash desk where the money goes in and receipts come out. It may also have a LCD display and many buttons.

There sure is a lot you don't know about me Jingo. If you want a job you better start dishing out some respect dear boy.

The Usual Stuff said...

Wow. Thanks. I've been insulted by an English speaking teenager.

Naaah! Just horsing around =), but thanks anyway for expanding my vocabulary. It's not knowing little things that kills me.